From My Newsletter

You’re Invited to a sneak preview!


Because of overwhelming (ish) requests, Volume 2 of the Jonny Gonzo series If Mistakes Could Fly, You’d Be a Superhero is going to be released in the upcoming months.

A full length novel, Bat Cave Blues, will complete the trilogy.

As a faithful subscriber to my newsletter, I’m sending out a sneak preview of one of the stories that will be included in the second volume.

Basically, I dreamed that Jonny Gonzo had a crocodile named Rocky, so I got up and made it so.

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Without any further noise, I give you Jonny

Gonzo, in the tentatively titled, If the Zoo Snoozes, it


The day was like any other day, except that a

crocodile was waddling down the sidewalk towards

me. Since the hour was before four a.m., I hadn’t

been hitting the sauce yet, so I knew this was legit.

I’m Jonny Gonzo, PI. The city is my beat.

The crocodile stopped when he reached me,

which took him a while to do, on account of my

frantic pack-peddling. However, when I finally

bumped up against my Econoline, I reached inside,

grabbed a length of rope, and made a lasso.The croc,

he just looked up grinning at me with that million tooth

smile and beady eyes. Matter of fact, I wouldn’t say

he was much different from the hundreds of creeps

and perps I dealt with on a daily basis.

I dropped the lasso around his neck and the

crocodile started walking. When we rounded the

corner, a big, aggressive bum with an even more

aggressive pit bull approached me. We both reigned

in our animals and stood there. He said three things

and got two of them wrong:

“Do you have any spare change, bro? Dude, is

that an alligator? Does he bite?”

The answers were, “No, no, and…” I watched as

the croc swallowed his dog whole. “No, he just eats, I

guess. Have a nice day.”

Then the rummy was all up in my business. “Hey,

you can’t just walk around here like you own the

place, letting your friggin’ dragon slaughter helpless


I looked at him. “Was your dog spayed?”

“What? No.”

I smiled. “This,” I pointed at the Crocodile, is how

the city is dealing with un-spayed pits. Have a nice


The guy wanted to say something else, but just

then the croc opened his mouth wide. From inside,

the dog barked. The guy ran. I turned back. I was

going to have to get this Croc in the van, or pretty

soon the pit bull was probably going to have

company. We turned right into the path of the head

county boy himself, Sergeant Joe Bidwell.

“Well, well, well, Gonzo. Today’s my lucky day.”

I lit a cigarette while trying to keep the croc

restrained. “Why do you say that, Bidwell?”

“The zoo called us in a panic. Their star alligator

escaped early this morning. Now I’ve found him, and

my job’s done for the day.” He reached for the rope.

“Not so fast, Bidwell,” I said. “This isn’t an alligator,

it’s a crocodile.”

Bidwell’s smile froze. “Yeah? Where’d you get


“Pet store.”

“Really? Then what’s his name?”



“Yeah. Rocky.”

“Like in that Beatles’ song.”

“Something like that.”

“Pet store.”

“Yeah, pet store.”

Just then “Rocky” opened his mouth and and

barked. Bidwell’s eyes became donuts.

“See?” I said. “They kept him near the dog


Bidwell took a step back. “Let me get this straight,

Gonzo. The zoo people are going to ask me if I’ve

seen their alligator. I’m going to tell them, ‘No, but I

did find a barking crocodile,’ is that right?”

Rocky was really straining toward Bidwell now,

and I think the growling was coming from him, not

the dog. “Spin it however you want, Bidwell,” I said.

“But if you don’t get out of my way, in addition to

barking, this crocodile is going to start blowing police


Bidwell repositioned the hat on his head. “Well…

keep your eyes peeled, Gonzo. If you see

anything…suspicious, let me know.”

Just then, the Crocodile opened his mouth again

and from deep inside came a bark. Next, a meow,

followed by a man’s voice: “Will you two shut up? I’m

trying to get some sleep in here.”

Bidwell and I stared at each other. “Will do,

Bidwell. Eyes peeled.”

“Um, appreciate it, Gonzo.”

“No problem, Bidwell. See ya later, alligator.”

“After awhile, crocodile.”

​     We parted. I had to get home, fill the bathtub up

with water, and myself up with some Wild Turkey.



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