That Dummy in Canada, and The Oscars

This week I stepped in a steaming pile of something I found on the Internet. Rolling Stone Magazine’s post-election cover photo of  Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

faggot

Liberals like two things: shiny things and liberalism. Justin is shiny and liberal. Regarding immigration he says to let them all in.

Budgets? “They will work themselves out.”

Isis? “If you kill all your enemies, they win.”

Canada? “There is no core identity. No mainstream in Canada. Those qualities are what make us the first post national state.”

Mankind? No! “Please say ‘peoplekind.'”

When Castro died, hated U.S. President Trump said, “Fidel Castro’s legacy is one of theft, firing squads, unimaginable suffering, poverty, and the denial of fundamental human rights.”

Trudeau said, “We join the people of Cuba today in mourning their loss of this remarkable leader.”

Trudeau, dear Rolling Stone, cannot be our president because he is a smurf. A unicorn floating upon cotton candy. He is Peter Pan but without the brains. But stop the tears, Rolling Stone. While Trudeau cannot be your president, he can be your Prime Minister if you would just shut presses and mouths for a moment and move northward.



 

The Oscars

kobe

Oscar award be all #MeToo 😦

There is no love greater than God’s love for Man. I will venture there is an exception, and that can be found on the red carpet at the Oscars. I don’t think even God loves those people more than they love themselves. Please don’t ask me if I watched the Oscars. I’ll have to make with bitter-sounding answers like:

  1. Yes! I love watching scrawny women parade around in ugly dresses
  2. No, not since they stopped being so white
  3. I thought I was watching the Oscars, but it was actually CNN
  4. Yes! I love watching smarmy men in fake glasses sporting carefully groomed beard stubble

No. I don’t watch the Oscars. Unless Carry Grant is going to grace the red carpet with one of the Hepburns, or Brando is going to send an Indian gal up there to snatch his award and shake her fist at whites, I don’t need to see this spectacle of self-love and Trump-hate.

I don’t need to witness controversy because the best director award didn’t have enough female representation. Or…

“Others were not as thrilled with Emma’s decision, remarking that two of the men nominated were minorities and that “Jordan Peele is only the 5th black man” to ever be recognized in the category.

One user on Tumblr wrote, ‘High-key sideeyeing Emma Stone said that that the Best Director nominees are four men and Greta Gerwig. When will white feminists learn that, just because they are not women, doesn’t mean that Jordan Peele and Guillermo Del Toro’s nominations are not as meaningful as Greta Gerwig’s? And what was the first thing that Guillermo Del Toro said in his acceptance speech? He highlighted that he was an immigrant.’

What?

I don’t need to see people whose flesh looks like Canadian otter trappers stretched it out and tanned it. I don’t need to see wardrobes that cost more than my truck and I don’t need to see these creatures congratulating themselves over who read a script better, who pointed a camera better, or who yelled, “Action!” better than anybody else, and God knows I don’t need to see Jimmy Kimmel weeping about his child, and I certainly don’t need to hear award winners talking about all ‘the hate in today’s world’. Arg, I HATE you people!

 

 

The Best Time of Year!

This is a great time to be alive for sports fans. Today, unlike 50 years ago, widescreen plasma TVs, pay-per-view, 500 channels, Internet streaming, and surround sound home theater make it easier than ever these days to shut out the cloying family with all their neediness and enjoy all the athletes with their greediness.

Here then, is a segue, and just a few of my thoughts on today’s sports news:

Leave it to two of my favorite douchebag NFL teams to chase after woman-beater Greg Hardy with puckered lips and not clenched fists. Enjoy your old-man mud wrestling, Pete Carroll and Jerry Jones.

March Madness begins this week. I’m talking about the brawls that take place when drunken slobs start pinching people who aren’t wearing green. I care about college basketball just a bit more than I do St. Patrick’s Day.

In fact, I’m head-in-the-toilet sick of St. Patrick’s Day and Cinco de Mayo. Do we really need two extra days of collegiate drinking leading up to spring break? Protestants slugging Guinness and trying to sound Irish while making that Lucky Charms fellow cringe? Whites shooting tequila and trying to make the “Aye-yi-yi” grito? Wake me when the Korean Harvest Day becomes a big deal.

Chris Boreland, the promising young linebacker for the 49ers finally decided to call it a career today, after playing an entire year for the doomed franchise. He had already suffered two earlier concussions and didn’t want to take any further chances on the sport ruining his brain. If only the Forty Niner ownership had made the same choice before they allowed their brains to ruin the team!

Oh, and cue all the hysterical mobs wringing their hands over football being too violent, and all the “Love me, I’m a Liberal” writers giving credence to their utter panic. People. This country is one-part boxing, one-part football, one part baseball, and one part STFU!

This just in from my Al Is Dead. Long Live Al! File: WHOA! What is Coors putting in Coors light these days? Here I thought I was just downing a nice bottle of donkey piss, but then I see the headline, “Raiders sign Trent Richardson.” WTF? Is today the anniversary of Al Davis’ death? If it is, is his son honoring his father’s memory by starting a new tradition? Is that tradition to drink until his brain is addled and then make the stupidest signing of the biggest piece of crap on earth? I CANNOT wait to watch them at the draft this year!

Just saw this headline on MSN: Has the Window Closed On Tiger vs Phil At Masters?

Well, every time a door shuts, a window opens. However, sometimes a door shuts, and then the house gets tented.

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This is a great time to be alive for sports fans. Today, unlike 50 years ago, widescreen plasma TVs, pay-per-view, 500 channels, Internet streaming, and surround sound home theater make it easier than ever these days to shut out the cloying family with all their neediness and enjoy all the athletes with their greediness.

Here then, is a segue, and just a few of my thoughts on today’s sports news:

Leave it to two of my favorite douchebag NFL teams to chase after woman-beater Greg Hardy with puckered lips and not clenched fists. Enjoy your old-man mud wrestling, Pete Carroll and Jerry Jones.

March Madness begins this week. I’m talking about the brawls that take place when drunken slobs start pinching people who aren’t wearing green. I care about college basketball just a bit more than I do St. Patrick’s Day.

In fact, I’m head-in-the-toilet sick of St. Patrick’s Day and Cinco de Mayo. Do we really need two extra days of collegiate drinking leading up to spring break? Protestants slugging Guinness and trying to sound Irish while making that Lucky Charms fellow cringe? Whites shooting tequila and trying to make the “Aye-yi-yi” grito? Wake me when the Korean Harvest Day becomes a big deal.

Chris Boreland, the promising young linebacker for the 49ers finally decided to call it a career today, after playing an entire year for the doomed franchise. He had already suffered two earlier concussions and didn’t want to take any further chances on the sport ruining his brain. If only the Forty Niner ownership had made the same choice before they allowed their brains to ruin the team!

Oh, and cue all the hysterical mobs wringing their hands over football being too violent, and all the “Love me, I’m a Liberal” writers giving credence to their utter panic. People. This country is one-part boxing, one-part football, one part baseball, and one part STFU!

This just in from my Al Is Dead. Long Live Al! File: WHOA! What is Coors putting in Coors light these days? Here I thought I was just downing a nice bottle of donkey piss, but then I see the headline, “Raiders sign Trent Richardson.” WTF? Is today the anniversary of Al Davis’ death? If it is, is his son honoring his father’s memory by starting a new tradition? Is that tradition to drink until his brain is addled and then make the stupidest signing of the biggest piece of crap on earth? I CANNOT wait to watch them at the draft this year!

Just saw this headline on MSN: Has the Window Closed On Tiger vs Phil At Masters?

Well, every time a door shuts, a window opens. However, sometimes a door shuts, and then the house gets tented.